Things Are Getting Flat

Posted by Flat Eric on
Category: Our BearsNo Comments

Idon’t really know what I am doing here because I am not – as you can plainly see – a Renault Bear. I do however live at the retirement home with all my friends who happen to be Renault Bears. To be kind and polite, Edward has invited me to join in with this little venture. As soon as he did, Razzi wasn’t very happy with the decision because he thinks that I am going to stop him from posting his Cher Lloyd videos (he has a bit of a thing for Cher, which no one else seems to share). However, I have promised not to stand in his way and have promised he can post any video he wants to – just so long as I do not have to listen to it. So all is good and we are both friends again.

I suppose I had better introduce myself for those of you who have no idea who I am and seeing as everyone else is saying “hello”, I had better follow suit. So “Hello”, to anyone who might be passing by or even actively looking for me. I will be surprised if it is the latter case as I was only famous for 15 minutes a very long time ago – 1999 to be precise – when I made some adverts for a famous jeans manufacturer. I also had a hit record with my old friend Mr Oizo called “Flat Beat”. As if this wasn’t enough, I also appeared in a cameo role in the BBC comedy series The Office with Ricky Gervais from 2001-2003. But since then, it’s all been downhill… until I joined Jammy Toast of course!

I did appeared with David Soul in some adverts for Auto Trader. I had a stint for a while on the Big Breakfast and have been featured in magazines; including Arena, Cosmopolitan, Heat, Melody Maker, Ministry, Mixmag, Muzik, NME and The Face. However, these days work has pretty much dried up and I am what you might call a “has been”. So, I decided to join my Renault friends at the Jammy Toast Retirement Home.

These days, I just sit around in the hope I will become a cult figure.

Anyway, all that is assuming you even know who I am, many of you may not…

My story started in France, when Techno DJ Laurent Garnier went to buy a car from Quentin Dupieux’s Dad. Dupieux later made a 15-minute art film for Garnier’s 1997 single “Crispy Bacon”. Dupieux had ambitions beyond directing, and by August had released his second techno EP, called “M-Seq”, under the alias of Mr Oizo. He made a video to accompany it which featured – wait for it – sock puppets dancing to techno. This little pearl ended up at Levi’s advertising agency and the next thing they came across me, tapping my fingers waiting for the release of “Flat Beat” and my inevitable superstardom.

The adverts we made together were quite clever – if I do say so myself – because Levi’s brand at the time had become predictable and lame. Then along came me and my mate Angel with our obsession for creases and the rest, as they say, was history. However, with the public being what it is, and styles and tastes forever changing, three months later everyone had forgotten I even existed or else were all sick to death of me.

…and so started my inevitable spiral towards obscurity and here I am today.

Bear With Me Strip

About the Author

Flat Eric

I was a star of Levi’s commercials for Sta-Prest One Crease Denim Clothing. My name comes from an idea for a commercial that included having a car run over my head and flattening it. The idea was not used but the name kinda stuck. I cruise around California with my friend Angel, evading the police as a wanted criminal.

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